a prayer during a time of transition
This is a very difficult time of transition, difficult for me in a different way that it is difficult to my boyfriend.
In the past our problems came and went, many of them were over the same thing over and over again. I was fearful of him being unfaithful. I have major anxiety disorder and so does he, mine is to the point of panic attacks and having trouble discerning if what I am fearing is based on truth or not.
I made a mistake, freaked out and involved other people. It hurt and scared my boyfriend deeply and now after awhile of living together we no longer are. He asked me to move out saying he needed time, space. It was extremely painful but up to that point we had been arguing and the tension was incredibly thick.
Now I am staying elsewhere, seeking a place of my own for what is supposed to be temporary and it seems like we are rebuilding. Please lord during this time and for always in the future help me manage my funds better, especially as this situation approaches. He was, for awhile, unsure if we could rebuild. He thought that my past trust issues were resolved and then this issue popped up. He is worried about it coming back again. I understand. But Lord please, help him to understand he needs to step up, communicate better, and understand and appreciate- and follow- the difference between being independent and selfish. Both of us are independent but please, let him understand that there is a difference. Please Lord change his heart and its hardened places, the anxiety and worry he has about us and our future, the anxiety and worry he has about his career success. Please Lord let him not continue to place blame on me for the event that I did initiate, but I am not responsible for what other adults do even in a situation that I started. Please let him see that. Please let him see I am kind hearted, love him so much, and would follow him to the ends of the earth despite my own independence. Please Lord let him be as dedicated to me as I am to him. Please let him forgive me and other persons involved in that incident so that we can all move on and so that there is no strife, tension, or awkwardness. Please Lord restore the harmony that we had before, or if it was just an illusion of harmony and happiness, please give us such happiness, satisfaction, love, friendship, intimacy, caring, understanding, support and emotional, physical and mental compatibility with one another (my boyfriend and I) in our relationship that neither of us looks elsewhere to meet needs or allows something/someone who has come along to intrude into our relationship. Please prepare our hearts, our minds, our bodies for living together again and what I hope will be engagement, then a happy, fulfilling marriage. Please Lord even in his most stubborn moments or my moments of greatest anxiety and panic, please let us not give up on each other. Please let us be dedicated and committed to one another as best friends,lovers, mates for the entire duration of our lives. Please help him understand that no two people are naturally 100% compatible but that compromise, care, love- love, the greatest of all- can over come areas where there may not be natural compatibility. Please align our areas of incompatibility to be at least congruent and less stressful when we interact; please let this time…as emotionally excruciating as it is…. To be a time of us re-seeking each other to fulfill each other. Please let this be a time when we seek to develop our own selves, but not in the direction of us moving mentally, physically or emotionally away towards each other. You have given me this person in my life, long ago, and through so many different phases has stuck around. Please let him see that even with this recent episode (which will be the last) we are meant to be together. Please make it your will that we increase our bond. Please let him feel the Holy Spirit and His Grace through me, please let me be a source of kindness and comfort for him and others. Please, where there is anger from him, me, people in our lives including our families, let that be replaced by love and caring for the person to whom the anger was directed at. Please Lord, this current situation, things I did not even write, are incredibly difficult on several of us for different reasons. Please help all of us cope and be strong through this. Please Lord as the vacation season arises, please let us go forth with our plans, smoothly, without interruptions from work, anger, argument or other people. Please Lord, with every opportunity that may come his way, may he consider our relationship that opportunity (good or bad) and how it would impact us. Please Lord have this relationship be as great of a priority of this certain career success he wants so badly. I pray he does obtain this success but I pray that he does not forget about me, and my support, when it happens and that he brings me along. Please Lord, let him think of our future plans we have come up
with together- and let him think of it as a “we” dream. Please Lord let us be united at this time, even though we are no longer living together, as one – and please let that union grow stronger, stronger and stronger. When the time frame is approached and reached for possibly living together again, please Lord let that happen in a peaceful manner. Lord, given the situation going on over there right now- I do not understand it, I do not like it, I am unhappy about it, but it could be worse. Thank you for not letting it or having it be worse. Please Lord let me be welcome again at the place I once shared with him as a home. Please Lord let him invite me back into his life, lower his guard, and trust me with his feelings again. Please Lord let him seek me out as his human companion on this earth. Let both of us be kind, gentle, unselfish towards one another, let us put our relationship in our top priorities, let us look at the future as a “we” rather than an “I” and Lord, please help him realize that amongst humans, with the exception of his parents, that my love for him is unrelenting, unconditional but not to be taken advantage of, and something he can accept. Please let him take that leap of faith towards the next steps in our relationship commitment though he is scared. Please Lord, let no outside forces or influences or inside forces, thoughts or feelings of insecurity impact the commitment of our relationship from growing stronger and from our relationship becoming more solid daily. Please Lord let him continue to make outreaches to me, ask me to come over more and more and more. I don’t want to be in this living situation like it is but….I guess that is the way it is for now, and I must accept that perhaps there is a blessing and a lesson to be learned during this time. Please let us enjoy our time together during this challenge. Please let him see that the things he loves about me are still there. Please let him try to extend to meet my needs- emotionally, mentally, physically- as well as I strive so hard to meet his. Please let us communicate fairly, effectively and kindly.
So many things have been asked for during this prayer, but prior to this prayer, you have answered so many already. Thank you so much for those prayers and blessings you have answered. Thank you so much for those signs you have shown me. Thank you so much for whatever lessons this is supposed to teach me, us- and for the strength of our relationship. Let him focus on the GOOD and not the bad, let him see the good is greater than the bad. When seeking the form of human help, let him come to me God, let him come to me and no other person who might invade and compromise our relationship. Let the persons who may have negative opinions please, let their words evaporate. Please give us the support to continue our relationship- support from friends, family….and within ourselves.
Please Lord, please keep things from getting any worse put instead, please make things better and better between he and I- please Lord, if he is not going to pray, then please let me be a way through which you reach him. Please let me be a source of kindness and grace through all of this and whatever else challenges come our way. Please let his words be backed up by actions, and please let there not be a changing of minds towards moving our relationship back, please Lord, please protect our relationship from fickleness. Please do not allow one moment him confessing his love and missing me to be replaced by the opposite. Please let him once again be more open with saying he loves me, saying he needs me and showing desire for me to be in his daily life- living together again. Let him know that this is not a source of weakness but that I am a source of love for him. I pray all of these things with my heart poured wide open to you as I have done many times. I ask that those who read this can pray these things for us as well, and that the strife, pain, anxiety or whatever they are going through may be solved and alleviated preferably to their liking, but if not, that you can comfort them in whatever direction goes from there. Please let there be peace amongst people of different political and religious views, please let all of our nations stop hurting one another. Please let people without our own nation stop hurting one another. Please Lord, as a human I am weak and admittedly, insecure and at times inpatient- please let me have signs and words, notices, symptoms that the things I prayed for re: my relationship are coming true and that he is becoming dedicated to us in a way like never before, towards a happy committed marriage. I feel the Spirit with in me now and it feels better than I could ever have imagined. Please Lord let me be a great example of grace and kindness to all people.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.