Falling Into Uncertainty
(Diamond Bar, CA)
I’m really disturbed,
By the fact that one cannot be a sluggard,
But we also can’t be a workaholic,
I fell into debt,
I have fallen into idolatry,
I feel like the world is crumbling around me!
How else am I supposed to not be a workaholic,
When I am trying to get out of debt,
All the while praying that I can get out of debt,
I fear that I am fiercely deluded.
I do too many worldly things,
So much that when I come back to the Word,
I am constantly ashamed.
My confidence is maimed.
I am rather upset,
That I am out of your will,
I read the word,
I still can’t get what I need,
To be free.
Am I even saved,
To the extent that I am not enslaved?
On close examination, I am not.
I am enslaved by work,
I am told that I am committing idolatry against you,
Then I’m left blue,
There is no exhortation of kindness.
I want to help and bless others,
With my music,
But am afraid of doing so because of material gains,
What is it you want me to do Father?
Some say that you can’t glorify God
Using your career,
But doesn’t your word say,
“For whatsoever you do, do it all for the glory of God?”
At what border line is idolatry,
And that which is glorified in God?
Father God, help me to repent of idolatry,
And find the way that is good for the soul without condemnation.