Financial and Relationship with mother
Ive been struggling financially for a very long time. I am just chasing after the wind. One thing after another. I can't keep up. My job situation is so unbalanced because for a long time I suffered with anxiety and depression due to a long time break up in a marriage. I worked but nothing ever felt secure. I now am remarried, I am extremely happy and I have by the grace of God found my soul mate.
We have a lot of bills between us as we just got married in November 2011. I have never been with anyone that I have been so close to. He is a christian and wants a family life. I want my mother who is dieing from cancer to forgive me for my previous painful lifestyle choices. I did the best I could under the circumstances. It wasn't anything outrageous, I just couldn't make ends meet and the jobs I took were just to sooth the moment. I was alone. I mean alone. I did try to live beyond my means but you know I worked hard to try and recover from that.
I lost my car one time and she lost her mind. I wish that I had never asked her for anything. God I am so tired of being punished for this. I know that I love the Lord. I know I wouldn't be as competant as Ive been without it. I have made mistakes, I will be responsible for that. I can't change the way she is or the hateful cruel things she says to me. It is now a family thing, because now that she is sick I am forbid to come to family functions. I haven't done anything to any of the rest of them but I have to feel the shame from them now too. They know why Im not at these functions.
Its been a long time coming. Our bible study spoke about a reversal of things. In the end like with Esther in the bible Christ was able to turn everything to his will. I have prayed my heart out about this, Ive cried and wanted this to be altogether different. I need relief not only from her meanness but a financial blessing so my husband and I can enjoy our lives together without the guilt and struggle of this mess we seem to be in. I love him and he loves me and we want to live again. thank you brenda