God, can you hear me? I can't fight alone
God, can you hear me?
It's me again, Amber.
I have been having a terrible week. . . I have had to deal with being threatened to be kicked out over not hearing the phone, being called just a house guest when i've lived here with my boyfriend for over 3 years.... (this is his parents house.)
I have been trying to focus on school for me to get a good job and help.... my mother in law Teresa has stage 4 mastastized lung cancer undergoing treatment now... her youngest son makes my life hell by threatening to throw my dishes far far away when he leaves his sitting out for days on end.... recently blocked me from accessing the internet and almost made me not able to turn in my assignments that were due online and kept the internet just for him and his brother.... (fixed now but he'll think of something else.)
I've dealt with my own head trying to hurt me telling me that I should give up, it doesn't matter anyway... telling me that my boyfriend will leave me over my mood swings that are caused by something happening around me.... telling me that I should run away and never be found... my depression causing my body to ache and not want to move, the more i try to move the more my body hurts.... making me feel like i don't deserve to feel anything anymore... because anything good that happens follows with three times as much bad luck...
God I understand you might be angry with me, even though I've prayed for forgiveness sincerely, I've cried through prayers, I've been afraid but came to you, I've been angry and came to talk to you... what ever it is that is upseting you, im truly sorry for what it is.
i'm trying to be a good christain, im not perfect, im trying to better myself by going to college... to get a good job, make good money... and get out of this toxicity that my boyfriends younger brother causes.
I want to not have any more bad luck.... I'm at a breaking point where I have had very bad thoughts... and it feels like my heart and very being is like shattered glass that's been thrown against the wall.
broken tiny pieces on the floor.
im asking as a broken person asking you lord god, god of all creation and things, please, cleanse the space around me so no bad luck or evil can come around me and radiate positive good "karma" so I can say I've had a good week or longer.
Please, my heart hurts from the ache, my body is at it's limit, and i personally am at my limit with all the negativity....
We need stability, help, and positive actions and things.....
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