I pray for strength and guidance

by Nikah
(Columbia)

Dear lord,

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I really need you right now, I am going through so much right now, i am struggling with addiction, the days seem to get easier but it is a daily struggle. My husband just had a baby with a female that was conceived when we were not together and going through a lot. This has to be one of the most hurtful things I have ever experienced in my life. I have done my share of wrong but this has got to be one of my worst nightmares becoming reality. It feels like a piece of my heart and soul is missing and i don't feel whole anymore. I love my husband more than anything in this world. I come to you asking for strength and guidance in this very difficult time in my life. I beg you to pave the way and lead my down a path of righteousness. Please forgive me of all my sins and make my heart pure and whole again. Sometimes i feel like I just want to let go and give up because it feels as though I can't go on but I hold on to the fact that you have a plan for me and I know in my heart that you would never put anything before me that I can't handle. I am not perfect and sometimes I feel guilty and I feel like it's all my fault. I don't want to be hurt or feel the feeling of being hurt anymore. I have never felt this way before and the pain is so deep that i don't even know how I make it through days without crying day in and day out until there are no tears left in my body. I pray for the well being of my marriage and the strength to overcome everything I am going through. I pray for my husband as well and for him to accept and love me with an open hurt with no grudges. I want our marriage to survive all these unfortunate situations because I really do love my husband more than anything in this whole world. My heart is so fragile right now and I know that I have hurt and disappointed him maybe one too many times. I pray that you show my husband how to forgive me so that he can love me the way I would like to be loved. I want and need all of him, not just a piece but ALL of him and I promise, I will be a better person and love and respect him the way he should be loved. I'm sorry for anything I have ever done to hurt anybody because I am really paying for it now and it's the worst pain I have EVER felt! All of the events of this past week have been very humbling and i feel like I will be changed forever. Nobody and I mean nobody will ever understand what I am feeling or going through.

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