I've done so much bad in my life. Started in my youth. Not sure why I am still here

by anon
(usa)

I've done so much bad in my life. Started in my youth. Not sure why I am still here. I need clarity. I was chasing happiness in sin- sociopath, selfish - always prideful and vain. Very bad sinner. I feel hopeless, when I was full of the holy spirit for a moment. Now I always do wrong and am useless - always said yes to sin. Self-centered and lost everything. No one cares about my sorry self - I wanted and needed someone to. Got my miserable selfish self into a psyche ward. Lonely trash that abused others and myself. God have mercy. I know I am not alone. We've all sinned, but sometimes, often, I feel like ending it because the world doesn't need me and I'm dung. Better off without me, but suicide is just another sin. Choose your poison and I have chosen many. I was okay for a second when my sins were forgiven (prodigal child). I knew they were as I had peace and was walking with the Lord. Today, I just want to disappear and never resurface. God forgive me and please pray for my family and the destruction of us. Lord have mercy. I have hurt so many. '-(

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