Please forgive me for killing myself
I have failed You in every area. i am living my life under a curse. Although I have been a born again baptized believer for all of my life as far as I an remember, I have been disobedient to the Word, carnal and unable to receive the promise of truth.
The Bible says God does not make mistakes, but we do and He gives us free will. Problem is, I have taken my free will and ruined my life time after time aftr time.
I am defective and unable to do better. I have prayed and cried and have not heard an answer from You that is definitive. i have heard what I thought were answers when it seemed that you have given me the go-ahead in certain things.
Turns out they were all wrong. I am not a blessed soul. i wanted to be a Child of God with all of the earthly manifestations: the husband, the children, the career, the material and spiritual blessings.
being able to teach and preach in God's house rather than to be ashamed to go to church because the Pastor always has something in his sermon about those that are not married or something to that effect.
I am so sorry Lord that I have failed you and have not heard your plan for my life. I have seen success manifested in others, but for me I don't feel it is meant to be.
I will be 50 in a couple of weeks and I have not had opportunity to even work on a job for 3 complete years despite having my parents waste money on a 4 year college degree.
I am a failure at everything and it is time from me to stop following myself and bothering you with useless prayers that just hit the ceiling. So, Lord I am not going to bother You anymore.
If I die today, there will be no one who knows or will be affected anyway.
I wish it were different, but it's not. I am sorry, please forgive me. I tried. Amen.