where is God?

by E

I have been praying for 4 years for God to do whatever He needs to, to bring J to his knees and realize what damage his drinking, lying has done and continues to do, to our 3 1/2yr old daughter and myself. And after 4 years nothing has changed, if anything, after the lie J told me on Saturday, it just tells me things are worse than ever and I am stupid to want a family with this man. It felt like Mike Tyson punched me in the gut on Saturday, that is the only way to describe how it felt catching him in another lie, headed out in a party limo to drink and hit on girls all night. Off and on I tried to tell his family & friends how bad his drinking is, but either they didn't believe me, or they just blamed me for it. And after 4 years of praying, begging God to help, He hasn't either. And from my experience, after what happened on Saturday, I don't think God will ever help me.

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I don't understand how He can watch me cry and cry and cry and be so brokenhearted and not answer.
When I was a child the only time I ever heard about God was when someone was swearing. I did hear that Jesus loves all the children of the world. So I used to beg that Jesus would save me from my physically and emotionally abusive stepdad and he never did. And to save me from my sexually abusive babysitters son. I walked 5 miles when we didn't have school because it was cancelled due to a blizzard, to a friends house, in tennis shoes, no hat or gloves, just to get away from him and my halfbrother. My halfbrother saw the way his father treated me, so he started doing the same. So I never understood and still don't why Jesus didn't help me.

I thought my stepdad was right, I would never amount to anything and everything else he used to say, when if Jesus loves all the children, I must not be worth helping.
So fast forward to me running into J, who I knew from high school back in 2007. We started dating and for the 1st time I thought I truly met the 1.

I had been engaged before, dated someone else for 6 years, but nothing felt like this. He supposedly felt it too. He said he wanted to give me the family I never had. we fought a lot because of his drinking. I ended up pregnant, sold my home, moved in with him. I thought that I finally had my own family, I belonged somewhere. It was supposed to be the family that I never had. His drinking never stopped, me and our daughter almost died with my toxemia. He kicked us out at the end of 2009. I lost my job due to the company's downsizing, still haven't found work yet, been praying nonstop for that too, but nothings happened.

Since 2009 J and I have "tried" to repair our relationship, but his drinking and selfishness and lying gets in the way. Our daughter hates not being with both of us. When I found out I was pregnant, J and I agreed to do whatever it took to stay together for our child. We both come from divorced families and both our childhoods were hard.

So fast forward to now and I keep wondering where God is at. I am beyond hurt, desperately need a job and I keep praying and nothing changes, keeps getting worse. If I didn't have my daughter I would of thrown in the towel a long time ago. I feel like such a pathetic loser and I don't know what to do.

Comments for where is God?

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I hope your okay.
by: Anonymous

You poor woman, you're prayers will be answered, you just need to listen. Listen to what you have to do. and you'll find happiness. I'm sorry to hear of your awful woes.
I hope it gets better. It cant get much worse that's for sure.
x

Dont Give up
by: Anonymous

Sweetie, there's is a God. And believe me he sees and knows all things. Things might not seem to get better but they will. Prayer is jus the beginning u need to believe that God can do all things, then you have to do get up smile humble ur heart. Start doing for u go walk and talk with god. Things will change jus believe. Pray. Never doubt the power of God. Remember even when u are weak with God on your side you are strong. Take it from a woman married for 19years to a man you is now an alcoholic. Im praying for him daily.

where is God?
by: Anonymous

Do not blame God for anything. You have continued the pattern. You are an adult. If you remembered, you were find when you were away from the people who mis-treated you. Why do you chose this person who is destroying your life, your future. I would never put my child in harm's way and have never done so. What are you waiting for? Leave! Why did you chose a person, like the way you were previously treated. Get out! before you let him hurt you or your innocent child. Do not repeat the pattern.KLu

Everyone is a child of God
by: Anonymous

God is not a liar,nothing is impossible in his name and he is the answer to every problem.Keep praying

Let Your Light Shine Bright!
by: Anonymous

I am so very sorry for the pain, disappointment, betrayal, and heart ache you have experienced throughout your life! As I read your post, the first thing that came to my mind was, WOW this woman is a SURVIVOR! I so admire your courage and honesty. Even though things might seem hopeless at this time, please don't give up! Perhaps instead of trying to change your husband you focus on YOU! My husband is also an alcoholic and I used to think if he loved me enough he would stop. I have (just recently) come to the conclusion that he is a sick man and nothing I do or say will change his addiction. It MUST be his decision to stop. Do you have a college degree, trade or skill? Maybe going back to school will help open some doors for you regarding new employment opportunities.
You are a very strong individual and when the time is right your choices will become much more clear. Keep your focus on getting yourself healthy and turn the rest over to GOD! He loves you so much and wants the very best for you and your daughter. God bless you both!

strength Fath Hope
by: Anonymous

You are a very special person, you have survived the evil doings from those things that had no respect for you. Get help from the government n educate yourself through their programs. Your daughter will give you the strength, faith, and hope to keep going and choose the best people to be around with. I feel bad that you had all those terrible experience but deep I feel that God has helped you through. Please don't give up. Everyday pray Psalm 23. Everyday tell God , Thank you Jesus in God's name for the beautiful life I have with my daughter, my wonderful job, my home , my family , my wonderful respectful and compassionate husbad etc. Etc. . I added KJV bible to my phone n sometimes I do search for healing forgiveness . God bless you, and give you strength faith and hope.

strength Fath Hope
by: Anonymous

You are a very special person, you have survived the evil doings from those things that had no respect for you. Get help from the government n educate yourself through their programs. Your daughter will give you the strength, faith, and hope to keep going and choose the best people to be around with. I feel bad that you had all those terrible experience but deep I feel that God has helped you through. Please don't give up. Everyday pray Psalm 23. Everyday tell God , Thank you Jesus in God's name for the beautiful life I have with my daughter, my wonderful job, my home , my family , my wonderful respectful and compassionate husbad etc. Etc. . I added KJV bible to my phone n sometimes I do search for healing forgiveness . God bless you, and give you strength faith and hope.

God Hears You
by: Anonymous

First of all you should surrender yourself totally to God's will. Accept Jesus as your lord and Savior. Confess that Jesus died for your sins,Confess that he rose by the power of God and believe that you are saved and a new people in Christ Jesus. Last but not least is we mmust forgive(without exception) as we have been forgiven. Get in the word and understand that you are precious to God and he loves you without reservation, without conditions. I am praying that God destroys every stronghold of the enemy in your life a that you accept Jesus as your lord. And accept that you are loved.

Faith & Hold On
by: Sandy

Dear One,

You are mentioning the dire situation you are in, and you feel as though God isnt listening. Open your heart & remove your self from that situation. God is Listening, stop telling yourself or allowing the Devil to tell you so.

No one can help this person, but himself. He must open his own eyes and see what pain he is causing. Have Faith that God will pull you through this.

HAVE FAITH IN GOD & Yourself.

Where is God?
by: Anonymous

Dear E, you have been through much pain. Ask the Holy Mother Mary to lead you to her son, Jesus. Ask her for spiritual and temporal help. Pray to St. Joseph. Go and make a sincere confession. When you think that God is far from you, thats when He is the nearest. You cannot make someone who drinks stop his spiral downward when you are in such need of rescue. Take one step at a time and say the rosary it is a powerful weapon that will fix this problem. I assure you.

Even when we don't see evidence..
by: Anonymous One

Hon, I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. You have hurt piled upon hurt & you need someones compassion,love and understanding. I'm sure you are feeling such pain & helplessness & hopelessness. And behind anyones feelings of anger is always fear...fear for what they do not understand & cant control. Please know my heart & prayers go out 2 you right now & though your prayers go yet unanswered, God hears every 1 of them & He understands your situation best & your sorrowing heart. He is with you & your daughter and He wont ever leave or forsake you even though you can't see physical evidence. You are His & though we live in a tragically fallen world, there is hope if you just hold on and keep believing in God ..as difficult as that is when nothing seems to change. Certainly, there are always those with worse situations but you are just as IMPORTANT to Him. Life is unfair and I understand you've grown up with abuse..for this you need a help to heal from that pain as well & a strong support system. Please if you don't have 1, seek 1 out through a church & Al Anon and you won't feel so all alone. Sometimes it's hard to know how to pray & so we ask God to just be with us in our sorrow and hurt..He knows what's in your heart. Of course you want a better life for you and your daughter and God does too. Your S.O. has pain too and a disease and many with addictions need to hit rock bottom. Addictions often cover pain. In the meantime try to just work on & care for you & your daughter and TRUST God to be working behind the scenes. Read Psalms in the Bible 4 comfort and say the Serenity Prayer.."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." We cant change or control any1 else, just ourselves...and when we do, that's when others around us change. God Bless you Honey.

take care
by: Anonymous

You have definitely suffered alot in your life. God is there, he is the strength you have to reach out for help, he is the sunshine in your heart that you feel when you look at your child. He is the soft quiet peace that allows you to find rest at night. If you haven't already, ask Jesus into your heart. Accept he died on the cross for your sins. Take a moment to sincerely ask God to forgive your transgressions. Find a church, speak with a priest or if not Catholic then a pastor somewhere. Explain your situation and get help. Catholic charities offers all kinds of assistance. If he is unwilling to change then YOU have to do what is best for you and your child. If you stay then you must accept that you have chosen that way of life. You have the ability to change your circumstances, take the first step and do so. Chose to not be a victim anymore. If you don't like the way your life is then take a stand and do something to change it. I pray that you get the help that you need and that you allow God into your life.

Victims of alcoholics
by: Anonymous

Its so easy to speak against people who are in an abusive relationship. Where there's alcohol n drug abuse. Its not so much of a person wanting to hold on. But it being difficult of getting out because of fear. There's a reason for the word abuse being used. Until u have experience a situation such as. Stop being so judgemental. The prayer is not to change the person that is the alcoholic. But for the peole who are in fear. The prayer is to make a way for them to escape with their children in one piece. I know God hears and sees what's going on. When will he intervene I don't know. Keep praying.

Victims of alcoholics
by: Anonymous

Its so easy to speak against people who are in an abusive relationship. Where there's alcohol n drug abuse. Its not so much of a person wanting to hold on. But it being difficult of getting out because of fear. There's a reason for the word abuse being used. Until u have experience a situation such as. Stop being so judgemental. The prayer is not to change the person that is the alcoholic. But for the peole who are in fear. The prayer is to make a way for them to escape with their children in one piece. I know God hears and sees what's going on. When will he intervene I don't know. Keep praying.

Running Scared
by: Anonymous

God, I'm not sure why, when I built up a good life for myself, I got so mercilessly judged in some hateful, small part of a metro I live in. Everything was fine for four years, until the political bashing between republicans and democrats got started. I live in a city that is a Capitol of the state. In the last month, I've almost had my car stolen, almost been assaulted, and have been called just terrible names by unknown individuals [in the political pac groups or some other breed of hate mongerers] when these labels and names did not apply. I was being judged to be someone they hated. I didn't even know them.

I have to back and I'm scared I will beat someone up, or get beat up, for no reason. It's just these people who are extremists in politics and want to push their views on anyone walking by. I get targeted for no other reason than I was in the wrong place at the wrong time,assumed to be a lesbian. Why a lesbian? I went across the street with a baseball cap on, because I didn't have time to take a shower yet and fix my hair. I just needed some food quickly from the market due to my diabetic condition, then I'm verbally assaulted and screamed at by a mob of people.I am stillin shock fromthis, and as someone was trying to steal my Honda Civic.

I am so shocked and I feel like beating up these people. I won't, because I've never beat anyone up before, and I can't tolerate my own hateful feelings now against violent hate mongerers.

God is
by: reba

Where is God? He lives in you and is listening to your prayers, 4yrs.,hes given you much love and patience, I believe God sometimes works on the person doing the praying because maybe he wants to open our eyes to a different option that may be more appropriate for you.God is real and alive, sometimes we just need to really listen.

Life
by: Anonymous

You are not a loser and you must keep faith. It is so easy to keep faith when things seem to be going well. I too question God at times but faith is all you have when there is nothing left. Sometimes, we try so hard to keep something together, that God has every intention of letting fall apart. A mustard seed of faith is all you need. May God's peace surround you soon.

God hears you sweety
by: Anonymous

E god does hear your prayers. He gave us all something that makes us human....free will...the freedom to make choices...the freedom to decide which road we want to follow...god isn't just going to swoop in and change J because u pray he will....u have to make the hard choices....you have to make the decision to have a better life for you and your child....maybe that choice isn't one you want to consider but maybe it's gods plan for you to make that choice...the road we go down in life is all based on our decisions...god has a plan for you and he loves you even when you think he doesn't...take a step back, look at your choices and u will see that the road you are on can be changed....keep your faith E, keep praying with all your heart...sometimes you have to actually ask god to come into your heart and guide you in the direction he wants you to follow...he [will] answer you...my prayers are with you.

God hears you sweety
by: Anonymous

E god does hear your prayers. He gave us all something that makes us human....free will...the freedom to make choices...the freedom to decide which road we want to follow...god isn't just going to swoop in and change J because u pray he will....u have to make the hard choices....you have to make the decision to have a better life for you and your child....maybe that choice isn't one you want to consider but maybe it's gods plan for you to make that choice...the road we go down in life is all based on our decisions...god has a plan for you and he loves you even when you think he doesn't...take a step back, look at your choices and u will see that the road you are on can be changed....keep your faith E, keep praying with all your heart...sometimes you have to actually ask god to come into your heart and guide you in the direction he wants you to follow...he [will] answer you...my prayers are with you.

E
by: Anonymous

Hey E...

only thing iwant to say is..keep doing things u are supposed to do..take absolute care of urslf and ur daughter..be positive in life and have faith in lord..watever has happened to u is sad bt remember it has made u a stronger and wiser person..for some tym leave thngs in god's hand and just pray for him to take a lead in ur life..dnt ask fr nethng else..jst try to be at peace with urslf and find solace fr sumtym.. it helps definately...HAVE FAITH....God has a plan fr u...


General Advice
by: Anonymous

You may have to make a few changes in your life try keep your hope alive i feel when you get to the other side of these tribulations you will be a stronger person........some of things that happen are circumstances that arise from our own free will, thinking we are making the right decisions in our life ......you ll get to the point where you have to get rid of baggage if its dragging you down.when you love someone you hold on and hold on but sometimes you just have to let go and let God take care of them...anyway youll be in my thoughts and prayers hope this helps...........Colm

Jones
by: Anonymous

You are not the problem. God does love you. After years of the same life I realize that it's the people you are around. I have just got a divorce from another drinker they never tell the truth untill you see a drinker going to get help from a professional he will never change I feel for you I know the pain god bless you

Al-Anon
by: Anonymous

For friends and family members affected by a loved one's drinking:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

where god he here
by: anous

Baby you have pray for yourself and your child he hears you but your prays for your husband don't mean anything unless he admites he has a problem right now he s not he following in devils footsteps he got want change which he s not I am going though same thing but i pray for myself and he help me a lot start praying for yourself sweetie it get better I promise

god helps those who want help
by: Marie

I am sorry that this is happaning to you. But god loves and has plans for you. they just may not be the plains you want. It dos not seem as J will learn. God will not just change him. He gave us free will and we need to choose to change for god to help us. I pray god gives you the stangth and grace to get out of this problem.

YOUR DECISION
by: Judy

Younhave children who need attention. Your husband is not a child. The best thing for you to do is get away from this abusive situation. You have to show the toughest live sometimes. It may take a drastic action to get his attention. You sitting around crying will not change him.

Be patience
by: Anonymous

God is never too late to help in a time like this i am passing similar case like this right now still i put my hope in God all you need to do have patience because of your child this the key to fight marriage problem "patience" like this blc when something terrible happned people around you will always blame you i know how you fell nevertheless God is your strength

People have it worse
by: Anonymous

Other people out there have gone through worse than you. There is no good answer to give you. God works in mysterious ways and doesn't answer your every prayer. You just have to believe that you are the one who can change things, not someone that you can't see. I probably shouldn't say that, cause I believe in GOD, but I just don't know how much. With a little Faith that things will work out, maybe they will for you. Just know that there is always someone who has it far worse than you do.

replreply
by: Anonymous

You have to forgive in order for everything to happen it happens on our own time

prayer changes everyhting
by: Anonymous

God is not a genie in a bottle, he doesnt always give you what you ask for when you ask for it. Take St Monica for example, she prayed for years for the conversion of St Augustine, and finally he converted. Faith in the Lord is more then just getting stuff we ask for, and God will help those that help themselves, and sometimes the things we need most we don't always see when we are too close to a situation. God always knows whats best, we just need to patient and let him test our faith. Prayer does change everything, just not always in the ways we think.

prayer changes everyhting
by: Anonymous

God is not a genie in a bottle, he doesnt always give you what you ask for when ask for it. Take St Monica for example, she prayed for years for the conversion of St Augustine, and finally he converted. Faith in the Lord is more then just getting stuff we ask for, and God will help those that help themselves, and sometimes the things we need most we don't always see when we are too close to a situation. God always knows whats best, we just need to patient and let him test our faith. Prayer does change everything, just not always in the ways we think.

Trust in Him.
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. It must really be hard. I know one thing for sure, its not all about the prayer as much as it is trusting in our Lord. Deep down in the deepest part of your soul you must believe in the Lord. It is really hard to do when you don't see the results,but be patient, He will give you the answers you are looking for when you least expect it. As for your husband, no one can help him until he chooses to help himself. Don't loose your compassion for him he feels bad enough that he is unable to control his drinking. I suggest you go to a support group to help you through this. It is important that you stay strong for your child. I will pray for you and your family that God will rest his hand upon you in this troubling time.

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